The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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