if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
