My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
