At least make sure they are 18
Why
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forget how to act sober
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
