what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
