How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
