Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
