I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
