how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
