Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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