yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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