Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
