WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
