just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found your dick twin last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
