apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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