She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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