So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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