i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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