someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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