stop calling my apartment porn island.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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