he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
