So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize