i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
