Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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