I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
