When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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