HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
