how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
