Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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