I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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