In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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