Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
