once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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