Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
