my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am one with the molecules
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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