I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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