Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck appropriateness.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
