I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
