i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
why is half of my head shaved?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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