I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
