i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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