how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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