careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
