Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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