i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
