my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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