He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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