Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
