don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
