May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
