I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
