Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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