watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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