is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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