Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I met the friendliest cop last night
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
