honey bunches of taint.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize