if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
