I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
