He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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