my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
