So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hippo gnu deer
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
