I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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