My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
