All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
