thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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