There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
