how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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