It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize