What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
