Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
