i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize