CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my liver is dry heaving
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
