He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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