We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
