I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
