Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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