dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
