butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
