Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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