just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
