Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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