Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
