Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
