...so i touched it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
