Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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