new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
