just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
