Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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