If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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