I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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