Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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