I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
